I'm scared that it was the end

"It will be just a little sting." They say... 

"It'll be okay" he said 

"I know how you feel" she said

 

It came so fast, and took me over. Where the sky is still black and the air quiet. Scary but peaceful. When white turns to black and I just miss you. The sting is an understatement. That dark place scares me. That place where you are scared on the edge, and you are crying for help, but no one chose to listen. That place where the sun hurts your eyes, and a "hello" makes you cringe. Where all you need in an "Are you okay?" even if you lie. 

I hope you find peace in the darkness that took over you. It came rather forcefully and I'm sorry. One day the ticker will stop ticking, and there is nothing we can do about it. But there was something I could do. This time maybe there wasn't, but I can't help but think.that maybe I should have spoke up,or yelled a little louder. 

Hang on a little longer.. hold on sweetie, I'll save you..

Please don't leave me here.

Sometimes I'm afraid of being forgotten, but even worse, I'm afraid of being seen.
I don't want to be the one who no one knew about.  I'm afraid that one day it will be like we never knew each other. As if we never laughed uncontrollably, if we never shared our secrets, if we never knew each others names "Oh yeah, I remember you, your name was?"
Please don't leave me here.

I'm scared of making choices because what if I'm wrong? Will you blame me? My choices determine what I am in the future and I don't want to mess that up. I could mess up our future. "Don't be mad, but it was an accident" I need you with me. Make sure I don't screw up.
Please don't leave me here.

I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of disappointing you, of being too scared, and not saying what I feel. Of loving too deeply, and forgetting my past. I want to be present, but I'm afraid I'm always doing something wrong, I'm afraid of over thinking, of trying too hard, and of pushing you away. I need to back off, but try harder. Make up your mind. I'm afraid I'm not good enough, but I know you don't care.
Please don't leave me here.

I'm afraid of hurting my mom. Of pretending to hate, and not saying I love you. I'm afraid I won't give her everything. I'm afraid I won't do her proud. I'm afraid I won't live up to her name. Of being "That one child." I'm afraid that I've already hurt her. I'm afraid that one day I won't need her anymore. I'm acared that she will forget me.
Please don't leave me here.

I'm afrid of you. I'm afrid that I might be too fat for you, or too smart for you. I'm scared that I dont fit in and you don't have time for me. I'm afraid of beign too thin, and not being able to work out. I'm afriaid of living in fear. I'm afrid of forgetting all of this.
Please don't leave me here.

Please don't leave me here, becasue one day, I don't want to amount to noting. I don't want to be living in fear, and wondering what I could have done, or what I could have been like. I'm me and fear has took over for too long. Yes fear, I can leave you here because I'm moving on. I'm not afrid of anymore, and that scares me. Never looking back, always moving foward.

The little things

So here we go:

1: Him. He takes me for me, and he is always there for me. He puts me first, and we have been too much to ever give up.

2: My relationship I have with my parents. I love them so much, and can talk to them about whatever I want. They get where I am coming from, and I can always express how I feel.

3: My ability to help other people. I have been able to keep people alive, get them out of depression, help them through life, and still care after seeing their flaws.

4: For suffering and pain and failure. It taught me to be grateful and aware that I only have so much control.

5: For seasons, No matter how many we experience and don’t experience, their existence is proof that things are meant to change.

How I Keep Myself Sane

[roll down the windows and blast country music]
[kiss slowly]
[talking it out]
[instagram]
[capture the moment]
[be daring]
[drive around without a purpose]
[say hi to that kid you like]
[hold off on the 'i love you's']

[miss people]
[smile even when you are sad]
[learn how to swim when you feel like you are drowning]
[tweet]
[think about the future]
[help other people]
[make lists]
[watch 'new girl']
[want to be cool]
[watch the clock]
[stargaze when you are already late for curfew]
[be still]
[love him]
[help her]
[starbucks]
[look hell in the face and laugh]

[pray]
[watch the sunset when you don't have time]
[come in late to class to try to get noticed]
[swing on the swing backwards]
[make new friends]
[write letters for every occasion]
[sneak out even if I get grounded]
[make memories for good stories]
[forget to clean your room for a few weeks]
[put too much makeup on]
[dress cool even when you are not]
[tell secrets]
[find good make out spots]
[pretend you are on american idol in the shower]
[3am calls]
[all nighters]
[Sleepover with your boyfriend to be rebellious]
[talk to others about their problems to make your go away]

[dance in the rain]
[have your mom as your best friend]
[joke with your dad]
[care way too much]
[use a journal as an outlet, and keep it always]
[hug your parents]
[BE YOU]

Hipster Playlist

Don't Judge Me Because I Am Different.

GOD.

I.

LOVE.

MUSIC.

-I am made up entirely of flaws stitched up with good intentions

-Sometimes I think I am crazy because I see things differently than everyone

-Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.

∂ιffєяєит

gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ ιт
ι αм gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ тнє тιмєѕ тσgєтнєя ωнєи ωє ωєяє ʝυѕт тнє ∂єfιиιтισи σf тєєиαgєя. αℓℓ σf υѕ тσgєтнєя ωєяє ʝυѕт ∂єѕтιиє∂ fσя тяσυвℓє αт ℓєαѕт тнαт ιѕ ωнαт тнєу αℓℓ ѕαу! ι ¢αи’т тнιик σf му ωєєкєи∂ αи∂ ѕ¢нσσℓ ∂αуѕ ωιтнσυт тнєм. тнєяє fσяєνєя αи∂ ι’м gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ тнє тнιиgѕ ωє нανє ∂σиє. αℓℓ σf тнσѕє тιмєѕ αт тнє ρσи∂, αи∂ ∂яινιиg ¢яαzу. вєιиg тнє вєѕт вα¢к ѕєαт ∂яινєя αи∂ αℓℓ σf тнє ѕє¢яєтѕ нєℓ∂ ωιтнιи тнє ¢αя. ∂σи’т ωσяяу, ιт ωσи’т тєℓℓ.
тнє ¢яυѕнєѕ αи∂ тнє fℓιятιиg, тнє тιмєѕ ѕιиgιиg ¢συитяу αи∂ тнє мιχтυяєѕ σf ∂яιикѕ тяιє∂ вєтωєєи υѕ. αℓωαуѕ ¢ℓєαи fυи αи∂ fєєℓιиg ѕσ ¢ℓσѕє. тнєѕє αяє тнє тιмєѕ ι αм gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ. ι ¢αи’т ιмαgιиє ℓιfє ωιтнσυт тнє тяυ¢к тαℓкѕ, αи∂ тнє συт∂σσя ωαℓкѕ. ι fιиαℓℓу ωαѕ ¢σмfσятαвℓє, вυт ι ρяσмιѕє ι ωιℓℓ вє αвα¢к. му вєѕт fяιєи∂ѕ ωιℓℓ ʝυѕт нανє тσ ∂єℓαу тнє fυи ωιтнσυт мє.
ℓαυgнιиg υи¢σитяσℓℓαвℓу, ¢ℓιмвιиg υиѕєєи нєιgнтѕ, αи∂ ℓαтє иιgнт яι∂єѕ. αℓωαуѕ тнєяє fσя мє, ѕσ ι нανє тσ яєтυяи тнє fανσя. тнєѕє αяє тнє тιмєѕ ι αм gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ. тнєѕє αяє тнє тιмєѕ ι ωιℓℓ яємємвєя.

-Yours Truly <3