The pain that made it worth it.

I remember telling you that you were dependent. I didn't know how to admit that I was dependent too, and I just was trying to make it hurt less to not see you for a little while. I knew it had to be done, and it hurt.

I remember seeing you hurt for days. I hated what I had done. You couldn't control yourself, but in secret, the me you couldn't see, I was breaking too. I cried every night. I couldn't text you when I was hurting, and I didn't have anyone to turn to when I didn't want to do it anymore. I hurted in quiet so that I could be strong for you.

I remember the day you left. I didn't want to let you go. I knew this was goodbye for a while and I remember crying the whole day at school, and the WHOLE night before. I couldn't think of not even talking to or seeing you. It hurt. You were my everything and I just wanted you to get better.

I remember when I made a bad decision. I had a promise and it was my fault. I hurt you and you didn't even know it. I remember thinking every night what you were doing and being sad because I was doing nothing to add up to what you were doing... I had broke promises, friendships, values, and my REAL feelings. I was tired of doing it on my own.

I remember when you wanted to see me so bad you broke the rules for me. I got that call and I panicked. I remember Sitting there and writing anything  I couldn't to make everyone happy. I felt like I couldn't say what I wanted to say. I didn't want to be mean. I had to. I missed you.

I remember looking at the pictures I got of you for hours every chance I got.

I remember when you got home. I wanted to wait until you texted me first, but I couldn't wait. I had to. "Hey you" "I heard you were back, How are you doing" I thought I was keeping my cool pretty well, even though I was all butterflies everywhere, and so happy I couldn't even speak the whole day. We texted and you were doing way better than I was..

I remember when we talked about everything. I was terrified, but I owed it to you. I missed you and I wanted this to work more than anything I have ever wanted. I said everything that had happened, and I was completely truthful. I can;t believe you were home still.

I remember all the time we hung out, or the dates we went on, and I loved every second of them. I went home every time and just melted. I couldn't believe the best thing that has every happened to me still cared about me.

I remember the time you told me you stilled loved me. I was so happy I started tearing up. I loved talking to you and I could do it all night long if you would let me.

I remember when we got back together, It was hard, and I did everything I could and knew how to make it work. I tried everything I could to be the best one to you. I loved you and I wanted to prove it to you. I remember it all being worth it.

I remember the late nights, the tricky situations, and the long talks. I would not trade it for the world because you are worth every second of pain I have ever been through. I am so happy to be together again and never leave again. I remember all of our good memories and one more to come.

I remember YOU Mr. Perfect. <3<3

Cold

 I  feel like  I need a blanket but  it is not my body that is cold.

The Things I Never Have Had Time To Say

To the girl that is Too Naive, honey, they are going to hurt you over and over, but I will be here to catch you EVERY time. You are growing up fast, and I will teach you how to breath when it's are and I will teach you to live when life doesn't care anymore. You are worth the sleepless nights, and tear filled days.You are always there for me and I want to do the same. You are worth getting outside of your abyss, out of the hell you are in. I will be there. Relationships never break cleanly. Like a valuable vase, they are smashed and then glued back together, smashed and glued, smashed and glued until the pieces just don't fit together anymore. You call me saving grace, but think again honey, You. Are. My. Saving. Grace.

To the drama girl who Saved My Life. What you don't know is I was done. You said "Hello" and light was shed on my life and you showed me that people cared. When I look in your eyes, I see grace. So passionate, we became friends. How? Hello. Hello to you too. Hello to a new life, and hello to more friends. You changed my life.

To the Boy with the Bennie, Why gray? Because I gave you that gray Bennie and every time you wear it, it reminds me of the mistakes I've made. You being one of them. Can you just leaving my saving grace alone? She is hurting and all you do is smash her over and over again. Yeah sometimes, I am mean, but what I do will never compare what you did to me and the people I love. If people even knew the truth about you... If they only knew what you did. I stay quiet because we were friends and friends don't screw you over right? Oh wait, maybe I am exempt, because you seem to think so. Up yours buddy.

To the GIRL that can't accept herself. You are never happy and it is hard, but you know what? I still love you. Telling your parents will be easier, but I know its hard. I've been in a similar position. You know that you can be happy and I think you are holing on because you know that you want to be happy being the real you. You are a great actress, After all I didn't really know you until this year. Until Friday October 10th. People care about you, but you need to understand other people too. I will care to understand when you care to understand me. In the mean time, I am here for you.

To The Man who thinks he knows the Best for me. Screw you. The end.

To the Woman that I'm Awkward around. I love you to the Moon and back, You are so nice, but if you even know what I have done... I love being around your family, and I WISH I WAS YOU. I want to grow up and be your clone. Your perfection in intimidating. You cook perfectly, you have a perfect smile, you dress perfectly, you look perfect, you walk perfectly, and love perfect, and you are perfectly imperfect. I can't wait to be closer with you.

To the Boy the means more to Me than Me. Why you love me I don't know, but I love every second of it. We get judged, we get talked to, but we are strong and we are us. I know I always say this, but I love you. I could say that as much as you would like. We are silly, but we are us. I don't have much that I don't say to you, because I always tell you what I think. Love you.

To Ellen my Idol. I love you, and I wish to meet you some day.

To the Little Brother that doesn't Care. REALITY CHECK, you should care. Wearing sweat pants for the rest of your life will get you no where. Oh wait, yes it will, it will get you made fun of, but if that is what you want, go ahead. I tell you to change every morning because I know how it is to grow up being made fun of and I don't want that to happen to you. I know it is comfortable, but it makes me uncomfortable. The End...

To the Teacher that Hates me. I know you don't approve of my decisions and life style. Don't be rude. You are the reason that I can't wait to be out of this hell hole. <3<3

To ME. Yup, this is weird. I will just get it over with.. You do have talents, even though you think you don't Realize that people love you, and they want to help. Don't stress, everything will work out, and you will be happy. You are tired. Sleep more. You are Sad. Find happiness. You are happy. Keep doing what makes you happy. You are poor. Work more. You are interested. Read more.



-Yours Truly<3<3<3 XOXO Ash.