The pain that made it worth it.

I remember telling you that you were dependent. I didn't know how to admit that I was dependent too, and I just was trying to make it hurt less to not see you for a little while. I knew it had to be done, and it hurt.

I remember seeing you hurt for days. I hated what I had done. You couldn't control yourself, but in secret, the me you couldn't see, I was breaking too. I cried every night. I couldn't text you when I was hurting, and I didn't have anyone to turn to when I didn't want to do it anymore. I hurted in quiet so that I could be strong for you.

I remember the day you left. I didn't want to let you go. I knew this was goodbye for a while and I remember crying the whole day at school, and the WHOLE night before. I couldn't think of not even talking to or seeing you. It hurt. You were my everything and I just wanted you to get better.

I remember when I made a bad decision. I had a promise and it was my fault. I hurt you and you didn't even know it. I remember thinking every night what you were doing and being sad because I was doing nothing to add up to what you were doing... I had broke promises, friendships, values, and my REAL feelings. I was tired of doing it on my own.

I remember when you wanted to see me so bad you broke the rules for me. I got that call and I panicked. I remember Sitting there and writing anything  I couldn't to make everyone happy. I felt like I couldn't say what I wanted to say. I didn't want to be mean. I had to. I missed you.

I remember looking at the pictures I got of you for hours every chance I got.

I remember when you got home. I wanted to wait until you texted me first, but I couldn't wait. I had to. "Hey you" "I heard you were back, How are you doing" I thought I was keeping my cool pretty well, even though I was all butterflies everywhere, and so happy I couldn't even speak the whole day. We texted and you were doing way better than I was..

I remember when we talked about everything. I was terrified, but I owed it to you. I missed you and I wanted this to work more than anything I have ever wanted. I said everything that had happened, and I was completely truthful. I can;t believe you were home still.

I remember all the time we hung out, or the dates we went on, and I loved every second of them. I went home every time and just melted. I couldn't believe the best thing that has every happened to me still cared about me.

I remember the time you told me you stilled loved me. I was so happy I started tearing up. I loved talking to you and I could do it all night long if you would let me.

I remember when we got back together, It was hard, and I did everything I could and knew how to make it work. I tried everything I could to be the best one to you. I loved you and I wanted to prove it to you. I remember it all being worth it.

I remember the late nights, the tricky situations, and the long talks. I would not trade it for the world because you are worth every second of pain I have ever been through. I am so happy to be together again and never leave again. I remember all of our good memories and one more to come.

I remember YOU Mr. Perfect. <3<3

Cold

 I  feel like  I need a blanket but  it is not my body that is cold.

The Things I Never Have Had Time To Say

To the girl that is Too Naive, honey, they are going to hurt you over and over, but I will be here to catch you EVERY time. You are growing up fast, and I will teach you how to breath when it's are and I will teach you to live when life doesn't care anymore. You are worth the sleepless nights, and tear filled days.You are always there for me and I want to do the same. You are worth getting outside of your abyss, out of the hell you are in. I will be there. Relationships never break cleanly. Like a valuable vase, they are smashed and then glued back together, smashed and glued, smashed and glued until the pieces just don't fit together anymore. You call me saving grace, but think again honey, You. Are. My. Saving. Grace.

To the drama girl who Saved My Life. What you don't know is I was done. You said "Hello" and light was shed on my life and you showed me that people cared. When I look in your eyes, I see grace. So passionate, we became friends. How? Hello. Hello to you too. Hello to a new life, and hello to more friends. You changed my life.

To the Boy with the Bennie, Why gray? Because I gave you that gray Bennie and every time you wear it, it reminds me of the mistakes I've made. You being one of them. Can you just leaving my saving grace alone? She is hurting and all you do is smash her over and over again. Yeah sometimes, I am mean, but what I do will never compare what you did to me and the people I love. If people even knew the truth about you... If they only knew what you did. I stay quiet because we were friends and friends don't screw you over right? Oh wait, maybe I am exempt, because you seem to think so. Up yours buddy.

To the GIRL that can't accept herself. You are never happy and it is hard, but you know what? I still love you. Telling your parents will be easier, but I know its hard. I've been in a similar position. You know that you can be happy and I think you are holing on because you know that you want to be happy being the real you. You are a great actress, After all I didn't really know you until this year. Until Friday October 10th. People care about you, but you need to understand other people too. I will care to understand when you care to understand me. In the mean time, I am here for you.

To The Man who thinks he knows the Best for me. Screw you. The end.

To the Woman that I'm Awkward around. I love you to the Moon and back, You are so nice, but if you even know what I have done... I love being around your family, and I WISH I WAS YOU. I want to grow up and be your clone. Your perfection in intimidating. You cook perfectly, you have a perfect smile, you dress perfectly, you look perfect, you walk perfectly, and love perfect, and you are perfectly imperfect. I can't wait to be closer with you.

To the Boy the means more to Me than Me. Why you love me I don't know, but I love every second of it. We get judged, we get talked to, but we are strong and we are us. I know I always say this, but I love you. I could say that as much as you would like. We are silly, but we are us. I don't have much that I don't say to you, because I always tell you what I think. Love you.

To Ellen my Idol. I love you, and I wish to meet you some day.

To the Little Brother that doesn't Care. REALITY CHECK, you should care. Wearing sweat pants for the rest of your life will get you no where. Oh wait, yes it will, it will get you made fun of, but if that is what you want, go ahead. I tell you to change every morning because I know how it is to grow up being made fun of and I don't want that to happen to you. I know it is comfortable, but it makes me uncomfortable. The End...

To the Teacher that Hates me. I know you don't approve of my decisions and life style. Don't be rude. You are the reason that I can't wait to be out of this hell hole. <3<3

To ME. Yup, this is weird. I will just get it over with.. You do have talents, even though you think you don't Realize that people love you, and they want to help. Don't stress, everything will work out, and you will be happy. You are tired. Sleep more. You are Sad. Find happiness. You are happy. Keep doing what makes you happy. You are poor. Work more. You are interested. Read more.



-Yours Truly<3<3<3 XOXO Ash.

A little too Naive

    There have been those time where my heart has saved me. When all that was keeping me alive was the blood pumping through my heart. That relentless bastard. Now looking back, I am thankful that I was saved because I could not enjoy the sun never refusing to shine, the way our eyes meet and we smile, the time we got caught being a little too naive.

    Those time where even breathing took all of my energy and it was all I could do to stay alive. The times when i couldn't even stay in the same room my heart just couldn't take it. The days my heart could do noting but bleed through the page of my journal.

    What I didn't understand is I have people on my side and not yours. It may have taken me a few fights, falls and bruises but because of them, I have my own whole army. Him, mom, lion, BCS, angel, dad, Ky, 2 face, and the list goes on and on. They are here to catch me when my firm ground is all burnt down. 

    Grace in their eyes. My saving grace. For once I am saved and for once I like it. Save me and never let go. I have things I want to do and dreams I want to accomplish. I just need a boost and a hand to hold on along the way. My saving grace is you. The person that says hi to me, the person that shows up at 3 am. The person that goes to Hawaii and still is helping you from that distance. 

Grace is a runner 

Every night she sets off alone 

Mile after mile 

Each stride farther from home 

Her pace never changes 

The peace she finds 

It never takes hold 

Why does she feel so alone 

No one really noticed 

Never bothered 

To see the signs 

Why does he choose 

To be blind 

Pushed ever farther 

Doesn't matter 

What she may want 

Just tear out your heart 

And go home 

Her minds always racing 

She knows she must 

Leave him behind 

The crushing weight 

Escapes with a sigh 

Grace is a runner 

No longer does she 

Set of alone 

Now each stride she takes 

Is toward home

Dear Heart, PS: Thank you for never giving up on me. I know I was tuff.

The Moon Together

The Moon means something to me and little do you know is that when we talk, I think of the moon.

 It was my hope over the summer.

 It was my release. 

Every week I talked to you as if you were talking to me too.

I knew that somewhere, you were looking at the same moon and telling me about your week. 

We were connected through the moon.

Northern Downpour

If all our life is but a dream

Fantastic posing greed

Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea

For diamonds do appear to be

Just like broken glass to me

And then she said she can't believe

Genius only comes along

In storms of fabled foreign tongues

Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs

Northern downpour sends its love

Hey moon, please forget to fall down

Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'

Weathervanes my one and lonely

The ink is running toward the page

It's chasin' off the days

Look back at both feet

And that winding knee

I missed your skin when you were east

You clicked your heels and wished for me

Through playful lips made of yarn

That fragile Capricorn

Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves

I know the world's a broken bone

But melt your headaches, call it home

Hey moon, please forget to fall down

Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'

Weathervanes my one and lonely

[x3]

Sugarcane (hey moon) in

(Hey moon) the easy mornin'

Weathervanes (hey moon) my

(Hey moon) one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)

The easy (hey moon) mornin'

Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)

One (hey moon) and lonely

[Continues in background:]

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)

The easy (hey moon) mornin'

Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)

One (hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down

Hey moon, don't you go down

You are at the top of my lungs

Drawn to the ones who never yawn

I Can Not Rise And See The Morning

When I close my eyes I can't help but think that so profound is the stillness. How heavy the darkness. 

Death is where innocent mind should not wander, but I HAVE GROWN UP ON THE SOUND OF CRYING.

Crying because they don't understand. 

Crying because they found out. 

Crying because they know.

Crying because they forgot. 

I have starred death in the face and my fear of living is greater than my fear of dying. I now fear nothing but life itself. Life is not when your heart stops beating, it's when your heart doesn't have a reason to beat.

I can't rise and see the morning, because light has been taken from me. The skies still black, and the air still quiet, I somehow find a speck of light. HELL surrounds me. With my hand outstretched towards my hope. I hold onto dear life because you are my hope and my faith. 

"How are you?"

"Let's talk." 

"I'll hold you."

"Everything will be okay."

You are my hope. The light in my dark. The hands that hold my broken heart together.

'till "DEATH" do we part.

I'm scared that it was the end

"It will be just a little sting." They say... 

"It'll be okay" he said 

"I know how you feel" she said

 

It came so fast, and took me over. Where the sky is still black and the air quiet. Scary but peaceful. When white turns to black and I just miss you. The sting is an understatement. That dark place scares me. That place where you are scared on the edge, and you are crying for help, but no one chose to listen. That place where the sun hurts your eyes, and a "hello" makes you cringe. Where all you need in an "Are you okay?" even if you lie. 

I hope you find peace in the darkness that took over you. It came rather forcefully and I'm sorry. One day the ticker will stop ticking, and there is nothing we can do about it. But there was something I could do. This time maybe there wasn't, but I can't help but think.that maybe I should have spoke up,or yelled a little louder. 

Hang on a little longer.. hold on sweetie, I'll save you..

Please don't leave me here.

Sometimes I'm afraid of being forgotten, but even worse, I'm afraid of being seen.
I don't want to be the one who no one knew about.  I'm afraid that one day it will be like we never knew each other. As if we never laughed uncontrollably, if we never shared our secrets, if we never knew each others names "Oh yeah, I remember you, your name was?"
Please don't leave me here.

I'm scared of making choices because what if I'm wrong? Will you blame me? My choices determine what I am in the future and I don't want to mess that up. I could mess up our future. "Don't be mad, but it was an accident" I need you with me. Make sure I don't screw up.
Please don't leave me here.

I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of disappointing you, of being too scared, and not saying what I feel. Of loving too deeply, and forgetting my past. I want to be present, but I'm afraid I'm always doing something wrong, I'm afraid of over thinking, of trying too hard, and of pushing you away. I need to back off, but try harder. Make up your mind. I'm afraid I'm not good enough, but I know you don't care.
Please don't leave me here.

I'm afraid of hurting my mom. Of pretending to hate, and not saying I love you. I'm afraid I won't give her everything. I'm afraid I won't do her proud. I'm afraid I won't live up to her name. Of being "That one child." I'm afraid that I've already hurt her. I'm afraid that one day I won't need her anymore. I'm acared that she will forget me.
Please don't leave me here.

I'm afrid of you. I'm afrid that I might be too fat for you, or too smart for you. I'm scared that I dont fit in and you don't have time for me. I'm afraid of beign too thin, and not being able to work out. I'm afriaid of living in fear. I'm afrid of forgetting all of this.
Please don't leave me here.

Please don't leave me here, becasue one day, I don't want to amount to noting. I don't want to be living in fear, and wondering what I could have done, or what I could have been like. I'm me and fear has took over for too long. Yes fear, I can leave you here because I'm moving on. I'm not afrid of anymore, and that scares me. Never looking back, always moving foward.

The little things

So here we go:

1: Him. He takes me for me, and he is always there for me. He puts me first, and we have been too much to ever give up.

2: My relationship I have with my parents. I love them so much, and can talk to them about whatever I want. They get where I am coming from, and I can always express how I feel.

3: My ability to help other people. I have been able to keep people alive, get them out of depression, help them through life, and still care after seeing their flaws.

4: For suffering and pain and failure. It taught me to be grateful and aware that I only have so much control.

5: For seasons, No matter how many we experience and don’t experience, their existence is proof that things are meant to change.

How I Keep Myself Sane

[roll down the windows and blast country music]
[kiss slowly]
[talking it out]
[instagram]
[capture the moment]
[be daring]
[drive around without a purpose]
[say hi to that kid you like]
[hold off on the 'i love you's']

[miss people]
[smile even when you are sad]
[learn how to swim when you feel like you are drowning]
[tweet]
[think about the future]
[help other people]
[make lists]
[watch 'new girl']
[want to be cool]
[watch the clock]
[stargaze when you are already late for curfew]
[be still]
[love him]
[help her]
[starbucks]
[look hell in the face and laugh]

[pray]
[watch the sunset when you don't have time]
[come in late to class to try to get noticed]
[swing on the swing backwards]
[make new friends]
[write letters for every occasion]
[sneak out even if I get grounded]
[make memories for good stories]
[forget to clean your room for a few weeks]
[put too much makeup on]
[dress cool even when you are not]
[tell secrets]
[find good make out spots]
[pretend you are on american idol in the shower]
[3am calls]
[all nighters]
[Sleepover with your boyfriend to be rebellious]
[talk to others about their problems to make your go away]

[dance in the rain]
[have your mom as your best friend]
[joke with your dad]
[care way too much]
[use a journal as an outlet, and keep it always]
[hug your parents]
[BE YOU]

Hipster Playlist

Don't Judge Me Because I Am Different.

GOD.

I.

LOVE.

MUSIC.

-I am made up entirely of flaws stitched up with good intentions

-Sometimes I think I am crazy because I see things differently than everyone

-Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.

∂ιffєяєит

gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ ιт
ι αм gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ тнє тιмєѕ тσgєтнєя ωнєи ωє ωєяє ʝυѕт тнє ∂єfιиιтισи σf тєєиαgєя. αℓℓ σf υѕ тσgєтнєя ωєяє ʝυѕт ∂єѕтιиє∂ fσя тяσυвℓє αт ℓєαѕт тнαт ιѕ ωнαт тнєу αℓℓ ѕαу! ι ¢αи’т тнιик σf му ωєєкєи∂ αи∂ ѕ¢нσσℓ ∂αуѕ ωιтнσυт тнєм. тнєяє fσяєνєя αи∂ ι’м gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ тнє тнιиgѕ ωє нανє ∂σиє. αℓℓ σf тнσѕє тιмєѕ αт тнє ρσи∂, αи∂ ∂яινιиg ¢яαzу. вєιиg тнє вєѕт вα¢к ѕєαт ∂яινєя αи∂ αℓℓ σf тнє ѕє¢яєтѕ нєℓ∂ ωιтнιи тнє ¢αя. ∂σи’т ωσяяу, ιт ωσи’т тєℓℓ.
тнє ¢яυѕнєѕ αи∂ тнє fℓιятιиg, тнє тιмєѕ ѕιиgιиg ¢συитяу αи∂ тнє мιχтυяєѕ σf ∂яιикѕ тяιє∂ вєтωєєи υѕ. αℓωαуѕ ¢ℓєαи fυи αи∂ fєєℓιиg ѕσ ¢ℓσѕє. тнєѕє αяє тнє тιмєѕ ι αм gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ. ι ¢αи’т ιмαgιиє ℓιfє ωιтнσυт тнє тяυ¢к тαℓкѕ, αи∂ тнє συт∂σσя ωαℓкѕ. ι fιиαℓℓу ωαѕ ¢σмfσятαвℓє, вυт ι ρяσмιѕє ι ωιℓℓ вє αвα¢к. му вєѕт fяιєи∂ѕ ωιℓℓ ʝυѕт нανє тσ ∂єℓαу тнє fυи ωιтнσυт мє.
ℓαυgнιиg υи¢σитяσℓℓαвℓу, ¢ℓιмвιиg υиѕєєи нєιgнтѕ, αи∂ ℓαтє иιgнт яι∂єѕ. αℓωαуѕ тнєяє fσя мє, ѕσ ι нανє тσ яєтυяи тнє fανσя. тнєѕє αяє тнє тιмєѕ ι αм gσιиg тσ мιѕѕ. тнєѕє αяє тнє тιмєѕ ι ωιℓℓ яємємвєя.

-Yours Truly <3

The Stalker’s Guide to Confessions

Be Honest. Here you go:

• I had a severe eating disorder 
• My parents push me to be something I'm not 
• Even though my parent know everything I still feel like I have to sneak around them 
• My friends always say that I'm so "pretty" but everyday, walking in the hallways I'm laughed at. 
• I've Lied 
• I feel invisable at school 
• I have this friend who loves people knowing how amazing she is. I cannot stand it. She makes me feel like shit and she knows that, it's always a competition to her and she always gets her way. But I still love her. 
• I've been told by one of my very good friends that if I killed myself, the only difference would be that there would be no drama, and everybody would be happier. 
• I'm in love with a guy who can't say I love you yet, and it is my fault. He is the only one who makes me smile until my cheeks hurt, and laugh so hard that I can't talk. 
• People consider me as a "Loner" because if I don't have at least one friend by me, I feel like I'm going to fall over and I'll die because of the lack of self-confidence. 
• I have a severe addiction to New Girl the TV show.

• I have wanted to die. 
• My friends cannot be trusted with anything. It's always a show to see who can turn one person against another... Usually me being the target. I can only trust my boyfriend. 
• I say I love you to my mom every night, just in case anything happens. 
• I turn my big mirror around in my room at night because i don't want to wake up and have to see myself. 
• I hope for the best and expect the worst. 
• I get sad and cry for no reason and I absolutely hate that because I have so much in my life to smile about, and all I do is get sad over the dumbest things.  
• I am jealous of the popular girls. 
• I've cheated. 
• I get very depressed and don't tell anyone. 
• I'm 17 and I can't see my future with anyone else but my boyfriend. He is my best friend. 
• Music helps me sleep
• I go on diets way too often and don't tell anyone. 
• I feel like my faith has nearly evaporated. 
• I cry.

• My job is mentally draining. 
• I love my parents more than anything, even though I always make fun of them and put up a front. 
• I don't know everything. 
• I absolutely hate this one person. 
• I love writing. 
• I Love creative writing and I take it too seriously. 
• I have grown up going to church and I am not sure if I quite believe everything it stands for. 
• I work on Sundays just so that I don't have to go to church and feel like a bad person the whole time. 
• I like wearing mens socks. 
• I talk in my sleep. 
• My best friend is 34 years old and a teacher. She gives the best advice, and I just want her to get married already.

I Have Thrown Bricks Too

My life is That wall that everyone runs into and just crumbles. Try to climb my wall and you will get hurt. Sorry hunny, but my life has been hard. I mean why does it have to be brick we throw at eachother? Can't it be something nice? No? Okay..

I threw bricks at you:

• When I broke your heart
• When I kissed someone else
• When I called you a slut
• When I said I was it was okay and it wasn't
• When I was young
• When I said I hated you
• When I hit you
• When I didn;t know what to say
• When I didn't forgive you
• When I rushed you
• When you came back..

I've thrown bricks at myself:

• When I had anorexia
• When I went to fast
• When I stressed myself out
• When I loved to deeply
• When I said NO
• When I convinced myself I was fine
• When I didn't tell someone
• When I needed someone to talk to and was quiet
• When I was harming to myself
• When I took too much on
• When I said yes
• When I cheated on you
• When I couldn't forgive myself
• When I was alone
• When I tried too hard

You have thrown bricks at me:

• When you said you "loved" me
• When you abused me
• When you liked her
• When you raped me
• When you kicked me
• When you didn'at talk to me
• When I couldn't see you for two months
• When you used me
• When I couldn't be myself
• When you said I was too fat
• When you said I wouldn't be able to make it anywhere in life
• When you comitted suicide
• When you said you were my "friend"
• When I tried to hard.
• When you yelled at me for loving too early

Heart

“Behind these eyes

there is a girl trapped within

her pain – a girl feeling all the emotions

of anger and sadness.

She’s fighting for a way out.”

“Love never dies a 

natural death.

It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness,

of witherings, of tarnishings.”

“It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored.”

XOXO- ASH

100 reasons why I love him:

This describes us.

• He makes me smile 
• He brings out all the best in me 
• He has great sense of humour 
• His room is messy. 
• He has dimples. 
• He taught me how to love again 
• He works hard 
• How he hugs me 
• How special it was when we had a crush on each other 
• The randomness of his room 
• I like tickling him 
• He uses smiley faces when he texts me 
• He asks me to trust him, and he trusts me 
• He said he's afraid of losing me 
• He forgave me... 
• He said we will never break up 
• He often says "I'm sorry" when I say "I love you" (I don't even know don't ask me) 
• He is older than me. 
• We are children 
• He's special to me 
• I like how he loves little children 
• He comforts me when I'm feeling down 
• The way our hands fit together 
• He is honest with me. 
• He's so caring 
• I fit perfectly in his arms 
• He thinks that I'm different from others♥ 
• We build forts and eat ice cream in them 
• We listen to country music 
• We talk like we are married 
• The way he looks at me 
• How nice he is to me 
• He likes taking pictures to "capture the moment" 
• He is a bad texter 
• His farmers tan line. HA 
• He makes sure I'm healthy 
• He's adorable 
• He listens to me say "I love you" 
• We fight over the big cookie pieces in the cookies and cream ice cream. 
• We laugh at stupid stuff. 
• We sleep too long sometimes 
• I love his family 
• He cares what my parents think about him 
• He makes my cold hands into warm ones 
• He calls me baby 
• Every time i receive a text from him i smile 
• The way we cuddle EVERYWHERE 
• He likes my dog 
• The way he holds my hand 
• When I'm halfway through this its not hard for me to write 
• He gets jealous easily 
• He likes asking whether I'm okay or not 
• He is 5 minutes away 
• He thinks I'm pretty when I'm at my worst 
• He likes smelling my hair 
• How he worries about me 
• I won't feel awkward when I'm with him and his friend 
• Every love song reminds me of him 
• He makes me feel safe<<<<<<<<<<< 
• He makes us talk about stuff 
• My mom noticed that I'm in love when I'm with him 
• He makes me feel shy and makes me blush every time I'm with him 
• How he told his friends he's serious towards me 
• He cried because of me 
• The way he makes everything okay 
• I get excited when i see him 
• We have fought, but me made it through 
• He's my best friend and my boyfriend 
• How he wants the best for me 
• He knows when to laugh and when to cry 
• He likes my smile 
• He calls me sweet and pretty instead of sexy :) 
• His mom said that I'm pretty once upon a time 
• I accept him for who he is 
• When he said that I'm his everything 
• He likes putting his arm around my waist 
• I love our fake arguments 
• We have promise rings 
• We make funny faces at each other 
• We are going to get married. 
• Our memories 
• He makes me smile like I've never smiled before 
• He's one in a million 
• He is humble 
• He likes my profession 
• He talks to me until all issues are resolved 
• He calls me his baby girl 
• He goes to sleep late, wakes up and and sometimes sleeps half the day away. 
• He is willing to help my dad whenever 
• How we joke about stupid things 
• He feels sad whenever I'm sad 
• He asks for hugs all the time 
• We have been scared together 
• He is him 
• How he thinks too much 
• He wanted me so much and he was scared, but did it anyway. 
• He turns my life upside down 
• He is my life 
• Because I love him

_Writing_is_my_Release_

This is to the Dumb ass that says Creative writing is not a real class.. Screw you. This class means everything to me because I can be me. I am not taught to be perfect. I can be creative and artistic. I don't have to worry about messing up, because NO ONE IS PERFECT.

For me, I love putting my pen to the paper, and letting the ink run all over, setting free all of my ideas, my dreams, and my worries. I can become lost in the excitement that only I can create. For me, creative writing is my main form of emotional release. It is my way of speaking without ever having to open my mouth. The ability to create my own release with merely a ballpoint pen and a blank sheet of paper is the greatest gift I could have, a talent that I find to be the most entertaining.

So, for you who think you could teach anything better than being yourself, screw you. I am not perfect so don't tell me what I have to write, or how I need to write it. Nelson shows us to be ourselves, and to become who you want to be. Did you ever take into consideration that I am not good at writing? That I don't like to work on Vocabulary? Yeah. I thought not. I like being in my own little Paris every class period. I like writing about what I feel and being myself. 

Next time think again. Creative Writing is my release, not your joke. 

XOXO- Ash

Things I should have said:

• Telling people you're just tired, when you are sick
• "You make me uncomfortable"
• "I love you"
• "I am just the way I am"
• "This is all too much for me"
• "you are being rude"
• "I can do that, No Problem"
• "Yeah, so I enjoy writing. So what?"
• "Just because I’m young it doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m talking about."
• "I really have no idea what I’m doing right now."
• "I love you mom"
• "Mr. Nelson, you are the best teacher, but you scare me"
• "I need help"
• "Oh, shut up already and grow up, everybody."
• "I've been hurt"
• "Please don't give up"
• "Thank you"
• "I forgive you"
• "If you tell a truth it becomes a part of your past, if you tell a lie it becomes a part of your future."